SOPE TIE (THANK GOD FOR YOUR OWN)

They say omo toba nipe "oko" baba oun lo tobi ju, koi de oko baba elomi-the child that says his father's farm is the biggest ,definitely he has not reached another person's father's farm before.lemme digress that yoruba proverb can easily be translated also to mean the child that says his father's penis is the biggest definitely has not seen others father's penis.

In a cynical way im going to relate all this to the title of the post.If u think your problems are large,definitely you have not seen the extent of other's woes.

I was complaining recently that i so hate when i'm with my bobo and want to enter a place and they wana know if he's up to 21 until a silly girl i used to work with called me recently to gossip about a colleague of ours who is getting married to an ugly old man...her comment was "so ti ba to yen ni"-this means ...he don hook the girl like tht?the girl called to tell me cos this particular colleague of ours is nasty with a capital N.

I was complaining that we were not paid our performance portion of our salary which translates literally to 20% being slashed from our salary until i heard of a colleague in First Bank who had been unceremoniously asked to go.

When I was younger , I used to complain that we used to get only one set of provisions until i heard of a girl who never had anyone visit her in school,not to talk of getting any provisions sent to her.

Like they say Igi gogoro ma gun mi loju.....aa dodge e ni,seriously its okere la ti n wo, but I just discovered that my ex whom I used to biff for buying a new car instead of committing to our wedding, actually collected loan to buy the car,a loan which he can't pay back and the bank is now chasing him up and down for their money,thank God i "dodged" him, marrying him would have been the igi gogoro literally entering my eye with his debts amongst many other things.

I have a man who smokes and drinks moderately, still enuff of me to nag and rant about on most days, but to the best of my knowledge does not womanise and holds me in high esteem,I have a friend whose husband drinks, smokes and womanises even in their home.she complains bitterly daily to me but never to him for fear of probably receiving a slap.

i COULD GO ON AND ON BUT THE KOKO is sha to thank God for every situation you find yourself in and remember whateva your situation..."airi iru e ri, a fin deruba oloro ni-aah!me i never see this one before o!,na to scare the person wey get talk...or somn like tht jare. my yoruba peeps will feel me better

50TH POST.

omo e don tey wey i visit this blog.....oops , na ma blog sha.na today i even clock 50 posts sef.make una shak ur preference for my head....if na henessy, chardonnay,heineken,sprite,coke,water e.t.c.

as u don notice i wan blog in pidgin, someone tell me say my pidgin is wacked, na in sabi , i go finish dis post

some foolish secondary school memories just come to mind.we get dis over-sabi boarding house mistress in name na bukola or somthn like dat sha.d woman dey play for manchester so awon chics just kukuma nick-name am "bukoyan", my yoruba folks can relate to this,the name attests to the fact say she be to manchester united what ronaldo was to them before hin go real madrid-a great asset *chuckling to myself".dis woman dey terrorise awon girls no be small, na she go see student wey wear mini skirt,hot pant, wey hin bra dey see-thru, d gist be say she no get toaster and she dey biff awon chics wey young-virile blooded male teachers dey follow then.na so she dey waka go class one day she accost one SS2 babe.d following dialogue na in ensued.

bukoyan :-chidinma,come here!

chidinma:-walks sexily,provocatively and rudely to meet miss bukoyan

bukoyan come turn am to in native language."ninu omu ti e ati omu temi, ewo lo tobi ju.for the sake of my non-yoruba speaking peeps for blogsville , i will translate(between your boobs and my boobs, which one is bigger),

chidinma replies politely rudely."ti yin ni ma"(its urs ma).

bukoyan:-"ose wa jepe emi ma n pack temi dada,' shom shom',iwo de ma se tie degbere"( so why is it that me i pack my own very smartly and u pack yours so loosely)

d girl shock open mouth.

bukoyan:-common go to ur dorm and wear a tighter fitting bra,my friend,stupid girl!

but my people,we sef bad that time,and urs truly was so troublesome but i no dey do that kin thin sha o.the thin wey i dey do na thns like......ok,we get one handsome english teacher like that wey dey keep very long last nail and in like to dey point to anythn at random with it.anyhow sha chicks get plenty crush on am so when time reach to submit english assignment,some go dey tuck love note for inside,on one occasion na picture fall out, i come trace the particular notebook wey picture fall commot,e come be one 'butter cannot melt in my mouth opeke chic'.na so i rearrange the books, me wey i no dey gree distribute books as class captain, i go just dump make all man hussle in own, na so i stand for front of class dey distribute books, wen e come reach the babe turn na in i announce say ladies and gentlemen, our dearest madam opeke chic actually put her picture for the benefit of our english teacher,na so i shake the picture commot for ground. needless to say the babe rep change instanta.

i remember so clearly one wicked senior boarding house mistress wey we get wey we fear so much say upon say we nickname am lets say mgbeks cos her name na mrs mbgeke for example, when u skip prep to chill inside the room and u hear say she don land by the signature scream "mgbeks are coming!"...she be one person o,. but na the fear we get we dey use 'are' for am o as in for her,its rude to use 'is' o na mgbeks are coming o..... who born u make u no respect mgbeks na she write the foreign book wey we dey use then for English in school o.

i get one post i wan post about my current lovey wey dey do me yori yori but i dey fear gan ni cos it seems wheneva i talk about any sweerie of mine on here , e go just jinx comot, na the following day evrythn go scatter, abi na winch.lol.

THE IRONY OF LOVE

As I was in my office thinking "when will i stop literally getting slapped with work cos honestly it seems like each time something to be done is being shoved in my face,to me it feels likei'm being slapped with the sheet of paper or whteva the request comes on.So, a txt comes in......usual"excuse me boss u have a txt message(and i've refused to change tht txt message alert)....its from my ex-ex-ex.........read as my boyfriend before the last before the last.

It read "i was listening to a radio programme yesterniteon ex-relationshipsand i just cant help reliving memories of our relationship.I still love you.

upon calling i found out he was being sincere and he couldnt for some reason shake the loe we shared.which brings me to the fact of my own so called "all time love of my life"...that took me so long to shake off, it even cost me 2 relationships ...yes! i haver finally admitted....he was the cause of the demise of my last 2 relationships.

The guy in this case is I call him my second love of my life and if i were more of a realist than the idealist tht i am would immediately overtake the position of the all time love of my life but as much as I hate to admit, he hasnt.But if understanding me were a measure or the S.I unit of measuring love then he wins hands down.

It also brought on a cocky feeling...LEMME EXPLAIN.....FOR YEARS I PINED FOR MY LOST LOVE as in it took me nothing less than 3yrs to get over tht guy and I am like...wtf!did he use jazz for me or wht????!!!...so it felt good also to know tht someone is still pining for me since 2002....felt so good.!

We hung out yesterday and he tried to kiss me...but I had to turn my cheek.I guess I dont feel tht way no more about him.but we're still very good/close friends.He speaks to all the boyfriends I have had since then and asks them to take good care of me.

Lest i forget i need opinions on some stuff

1.If u are in a relationship.......can u go out for a movie with your guy-friend...if yes...under wht clauses/circumstances
2.If u are in a relationship and when the guy has which is less often btw he spends wella on you, will u do same when u have which is more often by the way.

im out!.gotta go earn my living for the day.

random

cant believe i'm blogging again so soon,

here is one of the txts married man sent

note,thr hv been some editing

thnx for ur help in sorting out the trfs,i appreciate it.and i enjoyed chatting 2day,even though my conversation was interspersed with I luv us between SO &miz-cynic,and in the very presence of A(HE REFERRED TO HIMSELF INTHIRD PERSON).ahah will sort out ur coach dis week.get SO to buy ur tennis outfit, he oggles at it more than me and knws the contours of ur size 12 bodand i will look for a racquet

i havent replied yet but my reply will go somn like......

MrA,u are quite welcome,I also enjoyed chatting today,I wonder why it should bother u that I said a couple of I love us.......afterall you also called your wife in my very presence.lol.

You promised to buy the outfit,why are u changing your mind......do i sense a lil jealousy
should it matter who oggles more at it.

this is how we tease each oda so........its harmless

in oda news I am actually enjoying my job at the moment, I moved branches and this Branch is a lot more serene and orderly/organised,It also might be the very nice small chops that is sold very near here by one of our customers.......this doesnt mean he gives us freebies...stingykoko man...we get to buy it and ur dearest miz-cynic has turned it to breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I feel like rocking this friday...though I'm on a curfew....i went out 2 fridays ago and got back 3....momsie wailed...i was just thinking to myself...see yawa!!i suppose don born myself dey chastise my 15 yr old daughter for coming back so late too.

I love blogsville,I think I have read some of the funniest, most interesting,wacko,smartest, most insightful, touching,romantic thing on here.human beings are so talented....that might also be our undoing.

yay i clocked one year on blogsville.

I promised myself i must to blog today mehn!!!!!!!!!How i no go blog?I clocked one year on blogsville today, shout out to geisha, ibiluv,boorish male , geisha:-she introduced me to blogging,ibiluv:-she encouraged me to blog,boorish male:-he inspired me to blog.

Blogging is becoming a chore for me and i hate chores....tht does not mean i wont be blogging anymore or tht i'll take down the blog, i actually go back to read old posts for fun

M y blogging today is gonna be mega random

A cute customer came to my workplace yesterday and we had interesting conversation and we have an easy camaredie but guess wht....he's probably in his late forties,married with kids ,speaks impeccable english,distinguished, successful.....I now finally realise tht i just met the met tht can actually make me consider "aristocrazy"...the danger here would be tht i could actually fall in love with him and wait for this he speaks "fone" and is a practising muslim...cute!this means never say never...i used to say I could never consider dating a married man,not to talk of one who kids , not to talk of one who is in his late forties.

He has sent me two lovely text messages, and he's also funny!.i feel he's flirting but i might be wrong.so I'm also playing it along those lines cos frankly, I dont want anythnn more.but for now I'm enjoying all the attn

Also there is gist about the guy whom I blogged about a coupla times,the one where we sent sexy txt msgs and he said he was at the gate only to risk all and find out he was in his bed in surulere,the one who we were giving each oda the eye and we eventually met months larer.d one tht someone said on a chat ho ha tht they wanted to fuck!Now he's wishing he and I had dated and he that wasnt so proud to beg.unfortunately i still like him o but no thanks.alakoba!, he was even reminiscing about old times.

Small world......my friends's hot boyfriend ...(more gist about him larer) dosent have taste,we saw him with one asa(my yoruba peeps should know wht this means)....just thought to myself....he don downgrade cos my own friend is a hot babe o.is it only me who feels when a guy/ girlwho had a hot chic/girl and suddenly breaks up and goes for a ugly chic/guy, he/she has just stepped down.lol, sounds shallow but sue me!.lol.

jokes & wise cracks

MANAGEMENT COURSE
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in
front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
exposure.


Lesson 2:
A pastor offered the church organ player a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The pastor nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The organist said, 'Remember Psalm 129?'
The pastor removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up
her leg again.
The organist once again said, 'Remember Psalm 129?'
The pastor apologized 'Sorry, but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the destination, the organist sighed heavily
and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the pastor rushed to look up Psalm 129. It
said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.


Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, a nd the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas ,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing
on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas
and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.


Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do
nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey,
'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of
the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..



Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze
and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize
how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung,
and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
You can all now go for your tea break, for just 5min.

now i paticularly loved the first,and fifth one and now for the wisecracks
can remeber just two
i think it was either bernard shaw or winston churchill

he was retuning home one night froim the pub whr he'd gone to have a coupla drinks and happened to be drunk, as he was now going home, one of these dowager ladies (read as iya isonu)now saw him......
and contorted her nose and said "ummmmph!ur drunk!....snortishly
to which he responded
"yes madam, i know,but tomorrow i'll be sober,but u maam are very ugly.

another one was an observation by either of these gentlemen
one pretty young blond model and a rich distinguised old "handsome" lady were to pass a tight walkwayand the young lady noticed the middle-aged woman trying to hustle a lil and pass first so she just shifted aside a lil as if dont touch me...oya pass... and said "age before beauty"...
the old woman just walked forward unhurriedly past her and said....."and pearls before swine.

at least i've posted!.lol.

its not sexy!....

its not sexy!......
why do guys feel like they have to keep you guessing or wht game is it they are playing anyways
i dont get it, mgbeks wrote something about this not too long ago....is it tht guys are spoilt ni o
pls guys help me out here.....im trying to understand.......from your perspective

@is it tht girls are too plenty nowadays u'd feel stupid if u ended up not picking what u supposedly think is the best so u try not to commit to anyone until ur sure whc one u want?????
b)is it tht u are still not used to rejection tht u want to bide your time and be sure the girl is not gona say no when u eventually get the liver to ask.
C)you seem non-committal cos commitment scares u
D)u wish u never have to get married.duh!we do too!
e)u want to postpone getting married for as long as you can since u know its inevitable.
F)plain old greed or u cant seem to make up your mind about the girl u want
i'mma try to paint some scenarios cos frankly the scenarios themselves are so shady or inexplicable tht i'm wondering how i'll succeed painting them.

forgive my language pls cos i'm, in a ranting mode

scenario 1:-asshole has a girlfriend,does not deny the fact, girl has given him like 5 yrs of her life so....(ko mo bo se ma gbegba....he doesnt know how to opt out).....has another chick he blows hot and cold with.......tells her ish like why did he not meet her before the woman he's dating now and all....whts girl in question supposed to feel........girl in question now has some guy giving her attention and all and asshole feels he has the right to be jealous.been acting funny and cold and downright immature...excuse me....being in a relationship himself has taken away the right for him to feel jealous about another man giving girl in question attn.get over urself and stop giving attitude.......afterall he categorically informed girl in question he's in a relationship.

scenario 2:-mofo gets all up close and personal and does mushy stuvs,refers to them hypothetically hving kids together, at the verge of dating once but backed out under the pretense of girl not being submissive cos he was a domineering male.resurrects back and wriggls/warms his way back into girls life...but biding time ,not.........giving anythn away as to whether he wants to be friends or lovers.....misyans one day..and girl gives him the silent treatment for a few days now he's gone awol. for his sake he had better not re-appear cos kasala go burst! ........claps hands together....wht happened to the days when guys offend you i.e when they hv not become full bfs and they are the ones trying to get back into 3 3 ur good graces.....

scenARIO 3:dbanj!!!!!!!!!kini koko????!!!!!!!!!!!whts this guy's 411 as in wht does he want...like standard how many days, months/years does it take to decide whether u like a girl enuff to want to ask her out.......for goodness sakes its not marriage its just going out....if it does not work out u can back out..........u act all mushy mushy, closey gooey and wht hv u....make funny remarks and give babe ideas...all the while girl does not know ur "p".....infact ore oriburuku wo lobinrin ati okunrin bara won se kiri- (whc kain stupid friendship boy and girl dey do up and down)

infact i have concluded tht my fuse is getting shorter for guys who fall into any of these 3 categories as in wtf!wht the heck are u feeling like.....or u pass derogatory remarks and expect babe to keep mute...cos of wht,ur the man or wht or notori afe je malu a wa ma pe malu ni broda(because we wan chop cow, we go come dey call vow bros)...nonsense!

ODE TO MY DAD

HERE GOES.......

ode to my popsie or is it poksie...like one razz girl i met during my service year.she also used to call pepsi, peksi(all with a yoruba accent).

although we are not as close as father and daughter should be, i love u all the same

I remember weekends, we will assemble and u will play sunday ade on the turntable.....i remeber it so vividly..."what do u desire wht do u have under o....sweet banana....sweet sweeet swweet banana....and u will pick the best dancer and give her a up of "samco icecream.fun!

or when u gather the neighbourhood kids and play thriller for all of us and we'd all be excited.

I remember when we were in primary school, we were a lot closer.... 4 slices of bread,and chasing us out of the house with koboko anytime past 7.30am so we won't be late for school.
I remember the stories, jokes,teasingriddles,...half a circle, a circle, half a circle, a circle, and a triangle with 2 legs equals COCOA. or was it the one i found so hilarious......there was this ruler, we all should know him, he was a dictator,he was from niger state, he became a ruler in 1985.....how tall is the ruler.....naturally we were racking our brains thinking how tall babangida would be, until he finally tells us...a ruler is 12 inches long.
oR IS IT ONE DAY WHEN U ASKED ME TO SWEEP YOUR ROOM AND IT WAS SO HOT, I WAS JUST GRUMBLING AND MUTTERING UNDER MY BREATHE...OOOH God! this stupid broom now, too short, all my back is paining me....too strong it cannot even sweep very well....pschew...! UNIL I HEARD YOUR LOUD VOICE...."CYNIC....ALWAYS GRUMBLING...only a lazy workman quarrels with his tools.

or is it when we write our boardingg house list and u take out ur glasses and pen and slash everythn into half, we soon learnt to outsmart u though, the next time we doubled everythn on our list so when u halfed it, wen got everythn we wanted.lol.

or is it your powerful amala and jollofrice even sweeter than momsie's own sef when mummy travelled in 1987 to kaduna for a course for 3weeks and left 3 of us to your care without any househelp.

or the fun we used to have when we go to yetkem and buy those humongous steaming hot meatpie tht we would eat for the whole day and still not be able to finish

or one text message u left on my phone on my 25th birthday....SayingHAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING....youth is the best part of any human's life,u're at the peak of your youth, invest IT in your future"

i love you dada even though we might "differ" a lot of times

CORNY/IRRITATING TOASTING LINES/SITUATIONS

boy:-your father is a thief!

girl:-en! wetin u say, abemi?

boy:-cos he stole all the stars in the sky and put them in your eyes

girl:-i said leave me alone, na by force, i said i'm not dating you

boy:-u see, i cant leave u alone......"your name has been written on the chapel of the cathedral of my heart"

boy:-excuse me,excuse me,excuse....

girl:-yes....

boy:-its like , when i saw u, my heart started doing me somehow and i knew i just had to talk to you

girl:-en en

boy:-will u be my girlfriend?

girl:-just like that, is it a beans?

boy:-ok....you can go!

wtf!

COULD IT BE I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP AND I JUST DON'T KNOW IT

I'm feeling really stupid as I bring this issue to you my people of blogsville,

met on a holiday trip to ghana in march 2008- check

same guy i had my last "rumu rumu" with-check

calls me at least once a day to say nothing in particular but how was ur day, tell me how ur day went and he really listens-check

he sees me off halfway frm his house even though i have my car-check

i miss him sometimes so i also call him at least once a day-check

he gets super jealous when i tell him i went to watch a movie with a colleague-check...(his response...."see, u are reporting urself")

he calls me up when he hears a song he knows i like on radio-check

I called him once when a radio station had rock on their playlist...he loves rock.-check

if i go to his house and i'm hungry,he says the kitchen is all urs baby-check

i once asked him wht his his "specs"...his response was "you"-check


so pls am I in denial tht we have a relationship?pls tell me i'm not.